Kalluto's feeling english version
by Nemurase Hime
Summary: For sunflower990. Summary : It's about Kalluto, an assassin girl who just want to be loved by her brother and have a normal life. Was that wrong ? Sorry if you can't feel the feeling, i'm not good at writing this.. ( ) One-Shot with some changes from the original version., and I AM SORRY FOR ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKE! SO SORRY! R&R please ?


A/N : Sooo...i made this english version from Kalluto's feeling to fulfil the request of sunflower... The story is basicallythe same, and i apologize for my grammar mistake because english not my first languange and i'm still learning here! XD , enjoy and please review!

Nii / Nii-san = Elder Brother

"Upsy Daisy..." Alluka-nee yelled and then her eyes back to scarlet to violet colour... The same colour with my eyes...

**Hunter x Hunter © Yashihiro Togashi**

I watch them from behind the big tree, a butler, or a maid maybe ? it acompanying them, but they didn't seem to mind. I watched my elder brother, Killua-nii, with sad eyes... He always play with Alluka but why not with me too ? Did i do something wrong ?

Without my permission, my eyes start to teary and i was about to cry but i refuse to let myself cry, i'm not weak! I wipped my tear from my eyes and turn around, that's when i meet with my another elder brother, Illumi...

Those obsidian eyes staring emptily at me like a living doll, but his attention immidiately attrached with the sound of their laughter, well, the sound of happiness is a rare thing in Zaoldyeck mansion. Illumi-nii moved his gaze from me, still staring emptily at nothing in particular but i know that he's going to approached the source of the laughter. I keep watching Illumi-nii untill he disappear to the forest. Compare to Killua-nii eyes and Alluka-nii eyes, why ? Why their eyes so different ?

**KilliZa-Chan**

**.**

**Present**

**.**

**Kalluto's Feeling**

"Can i be like them ? Shining with so many affection for each other ? Or i'm just going to be a heartless asassin ?"

.

.

**Chapter 1 : Kalluto's feeling**

Silently i walked away from them, thinking abiut Killua-nii blue eyes and Alluka-nee violet eyes. I have the same eyes with Alluka-nee, so why ? Everytime i looked to Alluke-nee eyes i see a happines and affection, something i want so badly, but i can't have it. I, myself didn't know why i can't have it... Because, even we have a same eyes, my eyes are filled with sadness, with no happiness at all, just emptyness...

Maybe someday i will turn out like Illumi-nii ? Maybe i will become a living doll, heartless asassin...

NOOOOOOO!

My inner self scream with horror... I didn't want to become like Illumi-nii... I already trapped in endless sadness, from the day when i was born..even untill now...i never feel such a feeling as happiness... never... My mind keep screaming 'Why ?', i never do something wrong... i was a good girl.. i do what my parents told me with no question... So why i have to go throught this ? To trapped in this mansion with nothing but sadness ? When my brother and sister was enjoying theirself, playing and smiling all the time ?

My eyes start to teary again, i immidiately wipped them angrily.. _Damn! Why i cry so easily ?_

I can hear their laughter once again... even if i can see them, i can sense the happiness from their voice. They're so happy when i'm here, filling with sadness and wondering if anybody loved me ? It just like i can see the happiness right in front of me but i can't feel them, it just like mocking at me...

Actually, i really want to just approached them and playing together with them, with Killua-nii and Alluka-nee, but i didn't... I don't know why ?There's something..something like a wall between me and them. Beside, my mother wouldn't let me, and yet, i didn't know what the reason... It always like this, i didn't know anything, but that's the reason why i never lost my poker face in front of poeple... However, my eyes can't cooperating with me when i'm alone, like this..

Huh... Who i am kidding ? It's not _when _i'm alone because i was _always _alone...

Nobody ever loved me, my mother just love Killua-nii (It's obvious), same with my father. And Killua-nii ? Do i have to say this ? Can you see who's he playing with all the time ? Or to who he gives his smile ? Haa! You're righ... NOT ME! It's Alluka-nee..

Seriously, why always Alluka-nee ? Why not me ? _Why Alluka-nee couldn't just disappear!? _ I stopped midway because of shock, did i just say that ? I looked at my reflection at the water pool near me...

Is that me ? The girl with so much jealous and envy reflecting in her eyes, is that me ? Yes...

I 'm jelous...

Yes...

It's normal if i jelous, right ? I mean, Alluka-nee laught freely like a normal kid _in front of me! _ Oh, here we go again, me and my stupid tought... Seriously...

My eyes spotted a flower near my foot, the flower was withered because the sunlight can;'t reach it... What an ironic, my life just the same with the flower...

But, i didn't want anybody or anything felt the same feeling like me, let it just me... With that tought, i picked the flower, bring it to my room and carefully put it in the vase, i watched silently as the sunlight shining at it. _What a beautiful view... And a happy ending for a flower..._

**~Kalluto's Feeling~**

I wake up at 7 am in the morning, i sit silently on my bed and waiting for the usual cheerful laught from them to erupted my ear, i don't know how long i waited but that sound never come. Usually, at this hour Alluke-nee will whining to Killua-nii about 'what-we-will-play-today?' , but i heard nothing. What happen ?

I get up immidiately and getting ready, i rushed to the living room and see all my brother are all here, except Alluka-nee. I glanced at Killua-nii without i noticing, he seem so upset and sad, his eyes reflect one emotion, the sadness of lost.

_What happen ?_ I felt my innerself was screaming that question over and over again, but the tension at the room made me shut my mouth. I watched silently, like always, as father began his speech about Alluka-nee that 'too dangerous' for us and she was moved to somewhere. That was all he said, and with that no one ever mention about Alluka-nee anymore, like she never exist, like she just _disappear..._

"_Why did Alluka-nee couldn't just disappear..."_

That sentence keep replaying in my mind, the sentences i said because i was angry and jealous with Alluka-nee. Was it because of me ? Was it because of me, that the Zaoldyeck mansion filled with dark aura once again, with no happiness can be heard ? Was it because of me ? That Killua-nii eyes become so empty ? Was all of this happen because of my selfishness ?

For once, i know what my fault was... But everyone know that regrets always come in the end...

**~Kalluto's Feeling~**

Since then, i didn't know how many years have passed, i just keep living in this mansion... Spend all my time to training to become a good asassin... The same goes for Killua-nii, he never smiling again, and such a good sister i am just can watch him silently. I wash my hand that full of blood from my last victim and walking toward the gate.

I stopped when i saw Killua-nii walked to me with silent and calm step, his hand was covered in blood. I froze, he silently walked pass me and the gate, out of Zaoldyeck mansion. When i can't hear his footstep anymore, my tears immidiately fell...

That empty look from his eyes was because of me... And no one can describe how much pain i felt when watching the cheerful Killua-nii become the heartless asassin, and it all because of me...

I just want my brother to come back again...

Days passed and Killua-nii coming home again, and he was placed in isolation room because stabbed my mother and my brother.

"Friend ?" I questioned the black-haired boy in front of me who claimed to be 'Killua-nii's friends that want to bring him back' . My mother never mention that word before, i wonder what's that mean. And i was about to ask the boy when my mother calling, i immidiately turn around and approached my mother...

And...my brother just come back to go again..

He left...

I know that from my mother that screaming angrily at my father, but my father didn't mind at all.

I even couldn't say goodbye to him.. But, at least, he was happy with his so-called friends.

I suddenly remembering Alluka-nee, what is she doing right now ? Is she happy ? And most of all, where is she ?

My train of tought keep going untill come to one conclusion,

_I must find her!_

And because of that reason, i joined Genei Ryodan with my brother, Illumi.

**~Kalluto's Feeling~**

I didn't know how may days have passed since i joined Genei Ryodan, but i heard Killua-nii finally together once again with Alluka-nee.

I'm so glad to hear that...

I want to meet them, especially Alluka-nee, i want to apologize to her because all this time i jelous with her and hating her with so much passion, when she never done anything wrong to me... Not at all.

And, because of the same reason, i'm running to the village that have the highest tree in the world, because i heard Killua-nii and Alluka-nee is here...

I running aimlessly untill i saw two person, one is silver haired-boy and one is black-haired girl...

"Killua-nii! Alluka-nee!" I called them, i saw their turn their head, Alluka-nee's face lit up when she see me, but Killua-nii show a surprise look before turning into a soft one.

I stopped in front of them, catching my breath...

"Kalluto.." Killua-nii mumbled softly.

"Ano...Killua-nii and Alluka-nee... etto..." I tried to speakup to them, but why was i stuttering ? I'm never stuttering before.

"It's okay.." Killua-nii said, like he can read my thoughts, he walked towards me before hugging me. This is the first time i've been hugged... and it felt...warm, nice, and i was very comfortable right now. I don't want to let go.

"Nee.. let's have our advanture..the three of us.." Killua-nii said, i noddden shyly while Alluke-nee jumping happily. From now on, it will be three of us, just the three us, without annoying Illumi-nii or kaa-san's screaming, or tou-san training... it will be just us.

Suddenly, i felt like a thousand butterflies flying freely in my stomatch, my mouth form a smile, not very big.. but a true smile.. and i don't know why i can't stop smiling now...

Is this was a happiness ?

A/N : Finally done! Sorry it took me so long but my computer is broke and just been fixed up lately. So, i made an english version of Kalluto's feeling with a little bit of changes. I think is better... And... I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY MISTAKE OR GRAMMAR ERROR! I'M SO SORRY! m(_ _)m


End file.
